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I was obessed with song serveral years ago. It was popular then, the lyrics gave me panic but didnt wanna be seen as a whimp so i listened to it much to show others that I was as cool as them. The lyrics was how i felt with maleGods, anyone wonder why I avoid them as the best I can. Ok ok the text is most likely for fun, perhaps they felt like that in the group rammstein. Either way the lyrics says it all how I felt earlier, can still feel/fear in deep panic, but I am sure it is just my feelings panic and fears, cause The Goddesses wouldnt allow anyone to harm/punish me. Of course one can have a nice loving relationship with Male Gods.

 I so prefore wiccan Goddess chant over this where one just repeat the Goddesses names until one reach ectasy, trance, feel connection or just calm and cheerful. Feeling surrounded by loving Goddesses. The origanal goddess chant is Isis Astarte Diana Hecate Demeter Kali Innana, to listen to that is very soothing. When I sing it I replace the Goddesses names for the names of those Goddesses I worship follow. I also love the sacred circles by llewellyn especially The Phantom Queen the lyrics are repeat of The Morrigu´s name, listen to that enough makes me feel good, comforted, and a bit high. I tend to only listen to it when I feel under the ice, have much panic and strife, When I need Her badly to hold me, or just be around. The song feels so comforting. It is strange that songs lyric can have such great impact one one´s wellbeing, emotions the way one see life.

 

Rammstein - Bestrafe Mich Lyrics 

 

Bestrafe mich
bestrafe mich
Stroh wird Gold
und Gold wird Stein
deine Grosse macht mich klein
du darfst mein Bestrafer sein ja

Der Herrgott nimmt
der Herrgott gibt

Bestrafe mich
bestrafe mich
du meinst ja
und ich denk nein
schliess mich ein in dein Gebet
bevor der Wind noch kalter weht

Deine Grosse macht mich klein
du darfst mein Bestrafer sein
du darfst mein Bestrafer sein

Deine Grosse macht mich klein
du darfst mein Bestrafer sein
deine Grosse macht ihn klein
du darfst meine Strafe sein
Der Herrgott nimmt
der Herrgott gibt
doch gibt er nur dem
den er auch liebt
bestrafe mich

English translate: Punish Me

Punish me
Punish me
Straw is gold
And gold is stone
You are so big, make me small
You're the master,
make me crawl ja

The lord does give
The lord does take

Punish me
Punish me
You say yes
And I say no
Lock me in all you worship
Before the winds cold hand grips

You are so big, make me small
Your the master, make me crawl
Your the master, make me crawl

You are so big, make me small
Your the master, make me crawl
You're so big you make him small
You will punish me for all
The lord does give
The lord does take
Does he give love to
Those he foresakes?
Punish me

Priestess I am,

I cant stop blogging, lol. I wanna take up my priestess stuff, do the training and finish it. Then renew my initiation and dedication to The Goddesses. I wanna do the pilmgrimage to Wales-anglesy, Glastonbury and Ireland. Ok not at the same time. I wanna live as a priestess but without the submessiveness. The submessiveness as I have is self humiliating, I doubt no one wants that. No one has demanded the submessiveness, but it seem to be there within me, instead of taking action and see what I can do. That is a lesson for me. The depression and panic makes me easily more passive. That must be stopped.  Well I am working on it, to make it better. I realize I have used the priestess stuff to avoid the world, If the would be a pagan convent for Goddess worshippers i would be on the first plane over there for good. I imagine it to be awesome just spend all day painting, chant pray praise The Goddesses, meditate, do yoga and rituals all the time. Hmmm in what ways arent I doing it already? I suppose living in such monastry I be cut off from the world YAAAY, no financial problems, no MaleGods, no struggle. Yeah I live in a dream world lol. But am I really that into the priestess thing if it means I need to deal with trauma and abuse, do the healing that is needed, even if it may make me more sick panicy depressed, delusional in the meantime every now and then? Be an oracle a channel for The Goddesses? Some of my goals may bf my goals may be sacrificed? Live and die at Her will? I think so, the priestess calling is very strong so is my yearning for being a priestess of the Goddesses. I am already initiated as a priestess, so I am a priestess already actually. In what ways dont I feel as a priestess, in what way dont I feel worthy, good enough? Or am that vain/silly that I find it awful that a priestess may have my illness, issues, my life, be me. Could be. But it is not me that decide if I am worthy to be a priestess or not. It is the Goddesses who decide that. I am good enough in their eyes. And I am being taken cared off. There is much solitude in my life so I am actually living as a hermit priestess witch. I have loads of time for my art, for meditate and yoga, be outside. Although I feel easy stressed out over nothing that it seem to be hard to find time for anything. But hopefully it will be better. I realize being devoted to The Goddesses probably shouldnt be seen as a way to escape the world. cause it is othere in the world one is needed to do Her work. So am I ready, to step out in the world? Be Her priestess and witch, settle for life as it is, keep up the fight struggle. do what feels right, keep painting to Their honor even if I may never get credit for it by others- be as good as Linda Ravenscrovt, Jessica Galbreth. really good famous fantasy artists. Learning to see opportunities instead of obstacles.