Priestess I am,

[camillanightshade]

I cant stop blogging, lol. I wanna take up my priestess stuff, do the training and finish it. Then renew my initiation and dedication to The Goddesses. I wanna do the pilmgrimage to Wales-anglesy, Glastonbury and Ireland. Ok not at the same time. I wanna live as a priestess but without the submessiveness. The submessiveness as I have is self humiliating, I doubt no one wants that. No one has demanded the submessiveness, but it seem to be there within me, instead of taking action and see what I can do. That is a lesson for me. The depression and panic makes me easily more passive. That must be stopped.  Well I am working on it, to make it better. I realize I have used the priestess stuff to avoid the world, If the would be a pagan convent for Goddess worshippers i would be on the first plane over there for good. I imagine it to be awesome just spend all day painting, chant pray praise The Goddesses, meditate, do yoga and rituals all the time. Hmmm in what ways arent I doing it already? I suppose living in such monastry I be cut off from the world YAAAY, no financial problems, no MaleGods, no struggle. Yeah I live in a dream world lol. But am I really that into the priestess thing if it means I need to deal with trauma and abuse, do the healing that is needed, even if it may make me more sick panicy depressed, delusional in the meantime every now and then? Be an oracle a channel for The Goddesses? Some of my goals may bf my goals may be sacrificed? Live and die at Her will? I think so, the priestess calling is very strong so is my yearning for being a priestess of the Goddesses. I am already initiated as a priestess, so I am a priestess already actually. In what ways dont I feel as a priestess, in what way dont I feel worthy, good enough? Or am that vain/silly that I find it awful that a priestess may have my illness, issues, my life, be me. Could be. But it is not me that decide if I am worthy to be a priestess or not. It is the Goddesses who decide that. I am good enough in their eyes. And I am being taken cared off. There is much solitude in my life so I am actually living as a hermit priestess witch. I have loads of time for my art, for meditate and yoga, be outside. Although I feel easy stressed out over nothing that it seem to be hard to find time for anything. But hopefully it will be better. I realize being devoted to The Goddesses probably shouldnt be seen as a way to escape the world. cause it is othere in the world one is needed to do Her work. So am I ready, to step out in the world? Be Her priestess and witch, settle for life as it is, keep up the fight struggle. do what feels right, keep painting to Their honor even if I may never get credit for it by others- be as good as Linda Ravenscrovt, Jessica Galbreth. really good famous fantasy artists. Learning to see opportunities instead of obstacles.

Comments

[jensurvivor]

Does it feel like being in a matriarchal convent would be a safe place to be?

[camillanightshade]

Yeah, it would be so cool with a Goddess convent. There should place to both be with others and be alone with the Goddess and the nature. One could draw paint, meditate and do yoga.