camillanightshade

As I started to prepare for my wintersolstice I smelled something strange, I went into the kitchen and saw that the paper with some yule cookies had caught fire. I got shocked and was like oh no. I took some towels and the fire over quite easily, just to make sure it was really gone I put some water on it everywhere. I have heard of ovens, stove caughing fires if it gets too hot, but it was a shock. And it felt really awful cause I was preparing to do my ritual, was this a bad omen or just something that actually can happen? Was this a sign?  A warning? It felt really strange and awful doing a ritual after that, and all I could think of was why, why is this happening to me? That stuff catches fire unexpectedly during a ritual has only happened once before. Which I am very grateful for. This week I have also done new stuff at work- selling the stuff, writing on a cake, taking orders from custumers what to make. I made so many mistakes that my boss has been constant annoyed and angry at me. I have cried much at home infront of the Goddesses when I meditated after I got home, it have felt better to open my heart completly to Them, prioritize meditation. I was going to do ritual to make things better for me, as the light returns so would my own health, inner strength and creativity return. I will dp the wintersolstice ritual again, do some tarot readings and see if i can get some ideas of what is going on. My own ideas of what is going on feels so outworn and silly that it cant be anything but old fears that I havent had for serveral years. And must not forget that the above chakras clouds my mind temporarily every now and then. As I am doing this avalon training as well i can be affected by that too, cause I had to deal with some old wounds and scars in my psyche, like here is where I took off, this is what I couldnt handle, this made me feel/think etc. A few years later i see it differently what felt so awful back then, isnt so bad anymore. I understand more, some of the stuff I have been talking on and on about with friends. It helps much to be able to atleast see things differently as I once did. Cause of the fire yesterday I still feel a bit confused and anxious cause I dont understand if it was a omen or just a coincidence. It does makes feel more haunted like someone is out to get me, the same feeling I got when my wallet was stolen 2 weeks ago. Hopefully it is just fears, I mean i didnt get much as dark witch when I did retribution magic, so why would I get something now,.. I am just a bit paranoid. I am a bit messy and have called upon some spirits that may not be so trustworthy. I did that at a magic ritual with Cernunnus last summer. that wasnt so wise. But i have always wanted to do it but been to afraid of doing it and Odin and The Ladies refused which should be a sign given me some clues, how do I know if it was Cernunnus I was with? Oh I am confused need to meditate on that. What ever and whoever it was it isnt allowed to come near me, Morrigan doesnt not allow it, which I am grateful for.