new plan

[camillanightshade]

My antianxiety, antidepressant meds Paroxetine are stopping me fom loosing weight, It triggers my hunger fo sweets too. I have already stated to reduce it 2 weeks ago. I wanna cut down moe so I can free fom the shit in 2 weeks. The vey bad side of this is that my anxiety and panic attacks are always out o´controle these days. I am lucky to not have job these days, cause I would neve able to get of meds while I am working. Cause when my anxiety and panic are at their worst, I cant be social, woking be around othes. I can barely get out of bed. I will force myself to do yoga evey day as well as walking outdoors, meditate pray the Goddess rosary, and execise at the gym. I will also do magic, kala focus on my healing journey. It wont be easy but I cant go on like this eithe, keep gaining weight, keep getting more and more pain in my body cause of my obesity. I efuse to be isolated give in to the pain. I will keep doing what is good fo me. Not give in to my illness anymoe. I eally dislike that I am often doing that. I am also way to submessive like doormat in several areas of my life, I will stop being that. One of the best things with being unemployed is that I am left alone, then can focus on just my health, and come in shape. Cause if I am if I am able to walk for miles bike for hours I will feette cause I am in more controle of my life. The anxiety and panic issues will be smaller then. Now that I am so fat i am constant anxious panic which increases if I cant walk enough, bike alot. So I agree that execise is as good as zoloft or any other antidepressant medications. The worst is when I need new bigger clothes it just breaks my heart. The thing is with eating, there isnt enough sweets to fill the empty hole in my soul. Cause it is not sweets, food I need. It is just a substitute, a way drown my emotions my inner pain. I will break free from that bad circle. I am breaking free, a new healthier life awaits me. It will take a very long time for me to get down to my normal weight. So I will have to patient with myself. And dont give up. It is my life. It is all up to me if there is going to be any changes, if I will ever fit in size m- 12 sweaters. 14 in pants or not is up to me. I am in charge, I am in controle. I shouldnt think too much on the size of pants I want cause that pretty far from where I am now. Better take it day by day.

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[jensurvivor]

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