camillanightshade

My latest art are on Flickr, the paintings suck, I suck, I feel so embarressed that I never get better. Painting in gouche wasnt so good. aquarelle, water based oil is better for me, even achrylic is better for me. The progress takes along time. I am very fragile and devastated right now, I pour out my soul in my art. I tend feel that my art is ruined when I give it a face. Before that my art is almost perfect then It is like I destroy it with giving a face. If the heads are bigger then the face can get almost ok sometimes anyway. It is like I am so focused on making it perfect that I make the opposite. I am far too sensitive for critiszm, what other may think or say about my art. It takes time and courage to show my art. Why cant I just be as good as other artists. I understand why I didnt get into Art univeristies. I wouldnt let me in either. I so suck. I could give up the art but that would be like killing my soul, my life force. But I cant quit, nor do I want too. And why should I. My art is my reason for living. No matter how good or bad I am. I have seen artists´s work that is far worser then mine. I love to paint, I love to read my art books. I should do the exercises more though. I hope to be better at painting and drawing. No matter what I do seem to help at times. I suppose it would be better and easier if I used photoshop did digital art, but what fun is that? I am too old fashioned to enjoy doing art with the computer. I wanna feel the paint on my fingers, I wanna hold the brush and pens in my hands. I love the feeling of going to the art store pick up all the art supplies I want. I really hope I will better one day. I used to hope and pray that The Gods would give me more talents make me much better. I know that is silly, why waist that on me. There are more qualificed people one can help. But I know some of them like my art. Perhaps I could become really good one day I am tired of crying over being so lousy. Practise makes perfect, I too have trouble with expressing myself, getting out the images on the paper, showing it. I am afraid of failures and all I do is failing. My art teachers in school and my dad and some theraphysts was right, in that I am a failure and I have no talents. Not all art teachers was that cruel. I wont give up, I will never give up. As long as I live and breath I will paint. Someday even I must become much better.