![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Job at the bakery
Aug. 27th, 2011 09:07 amAt monday this week my boss at the internship on the bakery wanted to think more about if he wanted to hire me or not. i had already had a very high level of panicattacks for five days, so it would continue that way until i knew more. I felt devastated and exhausted but unable to do anything about it. So I accepted it. the days went by, on the thursday I had a doctors appointment. i asked her if i could get a sickleave just work parttime, no she couldnt cause I wouldnt get any money then from insurrance company that pays for those who are sick. When I came to the internship on thursday, the agent from unemployments office where there. He have had serveral meetings about with my boss. The had discussed everything about my employment without letting me be a part of it, that is so sick I hate that. They had no rights to do that, I have a voice, I have rights, I also wanna give my opinions. Either way they had papers on me to sign to get the job, I am on probationary for 6 months. I will get about 2900$ a months so it is a very good salary.
So yes the deal is for my benefit, but I just find it wrong that I wasnt allowed to be a part of the meetings. I am not an idiot, I have rights too, and I have intellegent stuff to say.Cause I would wanna work less, like 4 days a week for 8 hours is more then enough. But the unemployments office silenced me. Said I shouldnt cause any troubles now that he gotten me such a good deal. It feels bad to not be listen too. Yesterday it was so much do, I paniced a lot I cried at work it was awful, cause it was some problems with a freezer I may have damaged it, I was afraid of having to pay for that and all the stuff that was in the if it got damaged. Cause my boss is pretty mean and callous selfrightous jerk mostly, and if one break/damage something that will cost the bakery money one have to pay for it, it is so sick. I have had many jobs, but never ever heard of that the employers have to pay for stuff they break/damage that costs money. So it was a very long day yester´day, with far too much to do. I will say that on monday, and boss will probably whine about me not doing enough, not being fast enough. My work is full time, 6 am-2.30 pm monday to friday. it takes me an hour with bus to get there. I just feel I get far to little freetime. I still grieve a bit that I cant get any job or internship that contains art. I will always be looking for better jobs, leave this stressfilled enviroment which is in bakery where everything is how fast one can do stuff, how much one can produce, how much is worth. like anyone cares, the only thing I kind about being unemployed is not having any money, the freedom is the best.
I almost always feel that I am not good enough, fast enough etc. I do feel that I have to bite my lip sometimes to not yell at him, I know yelling will get me no where, besides fired. So far that is not what I am aiming for. I dont wanna give him-my boss the satisfaction of having succeeding in causing me a nervous breakdown. Not sure if he would be happy or not about it, or if it is goal i suppose not. none of that matters but it can make it easier for me to survive there then, cause in noway i will let anyone cause any nervous breakdown on me. i rule my life. lets just hope I can be this confident at work as well.
So yes the deal is for my benefit, but I just find it wrong that I wasnt allowed to be a part of the meetings. I am not an idiot, I have rights too, and I have intellegent stuff to say.Cause I would wanna work less, like 4 days a week for 8 hours is more then enough. But the unemployments office silenced me. Said I shouldnt cause any troubles now that he gotten me such a good deal. It feels bad to not be listen too. Yesterday it was so much do, I paniced a lot I cried at work it was awful, cause it was some problems with a freezer I may have damaged it, I was afraid of having to pay for that and all the stuff that was in the if it got damaged. Cause my boss is pretty mean and callous selfrightous jerk mostly, and if one break/damage something that will cost the bakery money one have to pay for it, it is so sick. I have had many jobs, but never ever heard of that the employers have to pay for stuff they break/damage that costs money. So it was a very long day yester´day, with far too much to do. I will say that on monday, and boss will probably whine about me not doing enough, not being fast enough. My work is full time, 6 am-2.30 pm monday to friday. it takes me an hour with bus to get there. I just feel I get far to little freetime. I still grieve a bit that I cant get any job or internship that contains art. I will always be looking for better jobs, leave this stressfilled enviroment which is in bakery where everything is how fast one can do stuff, how much one can produce, how much is worth. like anyone cares, the only thing I kind about being unemployed is not having any money, the freedom is the best.
I almost always feel that I am not good enough, fast enough etc. I do feel that I have to bite my lip sometimes to not yell at him, I know yelling will get me no where, besides fired. So far that is not what I am aiming for. I dont wanna give him-my boss the satisfaction of having succeeding in causing me a nervous breakdown. Not sure if he would be happy or not about it, or if it is goal i suppose not. none of that matters but it can make it easier for me to survive there then, cause in noway i will let anyone cause any nervous breakdown on me. i rule my life. lets just hope I can be this confident at work as well.
