(no subject)
Jun. 24th, 2011 06:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
camillanightshadeIt has been a few rough weeks. Last week I did a reading for myself during the fullmoon. the cards werent so good. The cards shown that I acted selfish, immature,negelecting I just took and dont give in relationships. Which made me feel like crap. I double checked it, I got the same cards with the lords card as well. So started thinking, i am unwilling uninterested in Cernunnus, dont see Him as good for me more like the opposite. I was like okay, okay I may be a bit too stubborn. I felt guilty. After all it is summer, and it is the time it is easiest to be around Male Gods. So I thought I would give it another shot at Litha this week. I am very broke and on monday I had to sell books to afford food. Somehow I forgot that I needed food, cause I felt Cernunnus presence, and told me what he would appriciate me get for Him. Without even thinking anything further I did that cause I was told I would get money on wednesday. In the evening i had nice time with Cernunnus I got so euphoric I almost paniced. It was very nice. On tuesday I started to worry alot. What had I done? Buying gold candles and stuff as offerings but no food for myself...What if I didnt get any money, I would starve the gods wouldnt careless cause they got what they wanted, who would care about me... With these thoughts it was hard to do rituals at Litha on tuesday and working was hard as well. On Wedenesday my panic anxiety reached hysterical level cause i didnt get any money. At least I could eat at work. It was hard to focus, but it work went well. In the evening i wasnt willing to talk to the gods felt very upset and cheated on, really screwed. On thursday I checked my accounts again in the morning, still no money. I was told by The Morrigan she would help me. I was like yeah right, like you care, like anyone care. When I got home I saw that I had gotten 25$ on my account that had been late from the union. I was very grateful still I feel that it was awful to be lured into buy what I did by Cernunnus. He acted callous and selfish in my eyes. He knows how easy I am. Just touch me and speak softly I do anything... I often act spend money on other stuff before on food to my self. Okay I got he money I needed so why am so cranky. I am that cause I loose my mind far too easy around some Male gods. That will be changed, from now on my needs comes first, offerings to gods after that. I just wonder how much more crap do I have to take, it shouldnt be this hard. And it is not worth it. Never again will I let this happen, I have had it now. So sad Summer solstice used to be my favorite time of the year. Hard to not feel what have I done to deserve this.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-24 11:46 am (UTC)Can I suggest that you get someone else's opinion for readings sometimes? It's just that cards cacn have very open-ended meanings and leave a lot of room for your state of mind to affect how you read them. That sounds incredibly harsh in a way I haven't found divinatory systems to be..What did you get?
About the money, remember we spoke about keeping limits? Maybe your budget is something to discuss beforehand from now on with the Gods?
(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-24 08:37 pm (UTC)The reading I got by sacred circle tarot, was 5 wands-I needed to be more grounded,ignored to do neccessary work, was being selfish, neglecting. serious lack of balance. 9 swords which is the suffering card- anxiety, nightmares- and 4 lord card. I thought much about it, in what ways was i selfish,neglecting... I shuffled the cards and the lord card got up all the time. I was like okay well I am not the happiest to see him, or any lords cause they demand to much. I suppose i could buy orange juice and stuff to them when i get money more often but it is not fair cause they come into my life and want stuff. This week it got really bad, sabbats usually are that cause it costs much with both sabbats and moons rituals, and I feel like if i done give them enough i cant do magic ask for help and such. I have been suggested to give daily or weekly offerings from another friend from my own food, but that is far too much, cause i dont get enough from them that it is worth it. Sorry this was long.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-24 09:09 pm (UTC)Yes. This.
We have a saying in our local community. "When They ask you for the Gold Altar Service, tell Them "Send me the gold, I'll send you the service!".
They have to make the money happen FIRST.
--Ember--
(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-25 08:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-30 11:22 am (UTC)I feel like this is where you are in control. They ask, and you have trouble saying no, but is it that you *can't* say no, or that you want to be able to ask Them for help? Is it worth not being able to survive in the short term for that?
I still think it is ver unusual for a tarot deck to have a card meaning "you are selfish" (And I don't think you are selfish). The meaning I have read for 5 wands (Light and Shadow Tarot, Michael Goepferd a really beautiful one) "conflict and confusion, misundestanding, argument, confusion arising from mutual distrust. New possibilities for understanding may appear." Though there is an element that the foundations were insufficient, I don't think that automatically means it was your fault. For me this describes this situation specifically and your relationship with men in general, for which your foundational experiences would fail to serve you.
9 swords: my deck also writes "Nightmares, though terrifying, warn us that someting is amiss...These dark worries show the soul is wrestling with important questions"
To me your reading simply says "you are having a conflict and miscommunication with the male principal"
(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-30 11:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-30 08:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-30 07:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-06-30 11:09 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-07-02 03:58 pm (UTC)