Sad today about my art failures

[camillanightshade]

My latest art are on Flickr, the paintings suck, I suck, I feel so embarressed that I never get better. Painting in gouche wasnt so good. aquarelle, water based oil is better for me, even achrylic is better for me. The progress takes along time. I am very fragile and devastated right now, I pour out my soul in my art. I tend feel that my art is ruined when I give it a face. Before that my art is almost perfect then It is like I destroy it with giving a face. If the heads are bigger then the face can get almost ok sometimes anyway. It is like I am so focused on making it perfect that I make the opposite. I am far too sensitive for critiszm, what other may think or say about my art. It takes time and courage to show my art. Why cant I just be as good as other artists. I understand why I didnt get into Art univeristies. I wouldnt let me in either. I so suck. I could give up the art but that would be like killing my soul, my life force. But I cant quit, nor do I want too. And why should I. My art is my reason for living. No matter how good or bad I am. I have seen artists´s work that is far worser then mine. I love to paint, I love to read my art books. I should do the exercises more though. I hope to be better at painting and drawing. No matter what I do seem to help at times. I suppose it would be better and easier if I used photoshop did digital art, but what fun is that? I am too old fashioned to enjoy doing art with the computer. I wanna feel the paint on my fingers, I wanna hold the brush and pens in my hands. I love the feeling of going to the art store pick up all the art supplies I want. I really hope I will better one day. I used to hope and pray that The Gods would give me more talents make me much better. I know that is silly, why waist that on me. There are more qualificed people one can help. But I know some of them like my art. Perhaps I could become really good one day I am tired of crying over being so lousy. Practise makes perfect, I too have trouble with expressing myself, getting out the images on the paper, showing it. I am afraid of failures and all I do is failing. My art teachers in school and my dad and some theraphysts was right, in that I am a failure and I have no talents. Not all art teachers was that cruel. I wont give up, I will never give up. As long as I live and breath I will paint. Someday even I must become much better.

Comments

[jensurvivor]

Im not sure what I should say right now with you so sensitive, but I do admire your dedication to your artwork. Take a break, then go back when you feel better. The human line drawings and hands you were copying were very good. The talent is there, I'm just not sure why it can't be applied to faces. It will get there.

I wonder if you feel this way because I suggested going back to the drawing exercises which you'd taken a break from? I wouldn't take your father's opinion on your work at any rate, from what I've heard anything he said would be about his own problems, and have little to do with your talent or lack therof.

[camillanightshade]

Thanks I hope so too. I dont feel this over the drawings. I feel it over my paintings. I feel this every now and then, but usually supress such feelings and thoughts. Like shake it off me. But it is getting harder to do that, I should deal with I feel not deny it. Thanks for your support. You are right in what you wrote about my dad- he is an jackass. And for those art teachers that disliked me it is not that any of them are famous artists.

[jensurvivor]

it is true that the lessons you get from drawing are not being carried over to painting. The only solution is more drawing. You like to paint faces. Faces are where you have the most trouble. So you see that struggle in your paintings. We maintain that your paintings are getting more daring and complex, so that practice is not useless.

Take a break from painting. Only for a few days.

[camillanightshade]

Yeah, something gets lost when I put on the paint. I should work more with aquarelle cause that is is more transparent. The drawing can shine trough a bit. I will take a break from the painting a few days.

[jensurvivor]

I've just taken a look at the newest paintings. They look much the same as your other work, except that you are getting more adventurous with texture and detail. I would encourage you to continue to work with the drawing exercises. The proportion of the faces seem ok but you still have difficulty getting into the right-brain mood of drawing realistically.

[camillanightshade]

Thanks. I will keep doing the drawing exercises. It just bugs me that my art remains the same not getting perfect. Or even a bit better. I think I may have to high expectations before I do the artwork, how perfect it will look like. Then get disapointed when the paintings are done. I think it is harder to get into the right mode cause of my chakra yoga. But when the blockages are gone it should be well.

[jensurvivor]

My art practice has changed so much in response to my self-work that I wonder if it is not the same for you. You have an unusual amount of trouble in reaching the right-brain mode. You've also experienced unusual and horrific abuse. The two are likely connected.

Your greatest progress is still in the line drawings that you have copied of Promethea and the hands. This is where we must continue to work.

[camillanightshade]

I see, that is very possible. I think they are connected as well. Hopefully iot will get better soon for me. I can find it a bit annoying sometimes when I need to do the same assignment over and over. But it is just me who isnt accurate enough. So I do my best to be as accurate as possible.

[jensurvivor]

we're not asking you to do the same assignment over and over, just to do each of them once.

[camillanightshade]

Yes of course, I know that. I meant when I have drew the assignment and it isnt accurate and I am asked to do it again. But it is no big deal. I am learning to be more accurate.

[jensurvivor]

If it is a sticking point that you redo some assignments, it is more important to us that you should do them all once than get them right. So we will not ask you to repeat any for a while.

[camillanightshade]

Ok I see, I will a bit busy so it will take a few more days. My sister is having birthdayparty and I write alot.

[jensurvivor]

That's ok