some insights, nothing new, but something that is more healthy to see things

[camillanightshade]

After writing much I feel that I can see more the real reasons to my anxiety panic, it was easier to think They didnt care enough, wanted me to be miserable... Then to deal with the issues. I do decide what to feel and react although I may not be aware of it. I have choice, it may not be good ones, but still a choice. I decide over my life- first I disagreed totally and felt like yeah right The Morrigan and others will object to that. Cause in my opinion earlier The Goddesses are the ones who rules over me. I have no say, therefor I dont give a damn either. I am doomed... you know the drill. You have heard it before. So after writing and writing about it over and over, then do astanga after that meditate-do the morning devotion. It became more and more clear tó me that their words are advices mostly, like it is good for my health to eat certain things- like veggie juices, fresh pineaple, sweet orange, do yoga for my chakra, be outside but it feels like I am doing it for the Goddess who has advised it. When it is for my own benefit. Same with my magic and art, Things get clearer when I do paint with Ceridwen or managed to get really deep in meditation during the fullmon last week. I think I am a bit too focused on to hear them that I dont hear much at all. Which brings more confusion.

Comments

[jensurvivor]

"The Goddesses are the ones who rules over me. I have no say, therefor I dont give a damn either"

This seems important. What you want is to not care and not feel upset. So you found a way to do that by saying you didn't have the power to change anything. It is nice to really not care about things, to not get upset and feel like you can handle it, that is a goal I have myself, but ideally without being fatalist.
This all seems like very good work.

We are all going to go through fast work and stops and sometimes steps back. I'm glad you were able to get back into the swing of things this time.

[camillanightshade]

Thanks, sometimes it is just temporary I feel better, everything is well with my relationship with The Goddesses , but have trouble with The Male Gods. I have written about some other issues in my latest post. I would like to rule my own life, not sure how much freedom and such the gods would give me. Perhaps there is only one confinment for me, my anxiety and panic, not their demands and rule. Hmm I seem to have a habit of giving away my power alot. Will stop that.

[jensurvivor]

>Hmm I seem to have a habit of giving away my power alot. Will stop that.

it may take longer than that to break the habit but I'm confident you can do it in time

[camillanightshade]

Thanks, It is like that. I supose it is like two step forward and 1 back at times.