Talking to The Morrigan

[camillanightshade]

I have gotten serveral insights after talking to The Goddess Morrigan this week. Perhaps nothing really new for others, but I feel it will help me and I understand my life better, and what I need to do. What I have understood now is what I have refused to accept earlier. Medications arent supposed to take away all the depression, panicattacks(they dont take away everything but it is way better then nothing at all, cause that is unbearable), it shall just be enough to help me keep moving. Cause I should stil do yoga, use my herbs, exercise, art to feel better, create an valuble freetime, be better able to work. I have been pretty loosy of it, often just felt like i given up, and not do stuff for weeks but working and sleeping. This discussion came up after that I serveral times asked for help, easing of my issues, get other medicines, more of it. At first I refused to listen it felt to harsh to be living with these issues. I even begged Her to take me away from this work. It felt it got worser and worser there, i made so many clumsy mistakes and got yelled at all the time. I prayed, beseeched Her to be with me, shadow me, I hadnt done this for a very long time. It felt great, I could be more focused at work and it was like my boss backed off a bit too. The Lady watched me with amusedment and wondered why I had stopped asking Her for help at work when I needed it. All I could say was I dont like being a slave, serf, and was scared of Her. It felt a bit silly that I once again let my fears rule me. I am graeful for Her patience and love and strength. So I got some nice kicks to get started do more stuff. I also learned that it isnt good for me too get so high, desoriented that I forget to handle my issues, just euphoric meaning the gods didnt gave these experiences, I looked at Her with saddnes not even Jesus, Jahwe or archangel Michael? Not as much as you hoped for, didnt they tell you that? Yes but I didnt believe it. But I got these things from You in the beginning as well. I made feel good helped you survive took away your pain until you were better fit to handle it. That is what you are learning to do now and have done the past few years. Then we spoke about my fears the causes of my issues more of that in next post. Need to go out enjoy the sun.

Comments

[emberleo]

Awesome work!

-E-

[camillanightshade]

thanks

[jensurvivor]

Good to hear. Asking for help is a big bugbear for me as well.
Have you spoken to your boss about how punishing you for making mistakes doesn't make you more effective?

[camillanightshade]

Yeah, it can be hard, like getting up when one has fallen start climbing again. I have told my boss, but he says it isnt any punishment. He is not honest.