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Feb. 19th, 2011 06:19 amAt sunday night I dreamed was wrapped in a blanket, I was lieing curled up in Her lap. We were in a boat. She was rowing the boat. It was all dark. I looked up at the Lady´s face, it was the Morrigan. She smiled but didnt say anything. I couldnt really recognize Her. She had long thick dark hair. It was hard so who it really was. After a while we come to an island. The Lady stoped the boat, I was walking beside Her for a little while. It looked very scary so many shadows, shapes of stuff. I was crying and very scared. She picked me up, carried me. Still no words from Her. She was a silent companion. Suddenly I saw that we werent alone. It was a MaleGod. That scared me. He did just caress my hair. I got feelings of that I walking with Lady and Lord of death. Then I woke up.
During the week I felt so depressed, suicidal, panicy, like I couldnt care less about what happened to me. I started to write, and was pushed into writing more and more as my panic attacks grew stronger, I felt more and more depressed. All the time I felt She was caring me, She just was there in my ordeal as a silent companion. When I had faced all the pain, depressive moods all that needed to come up to the surface. I feel so much better, I felt like the real me. Like some of the pain from the past is gone.
The sculpt class was at monday. I should have taken something more advanced if I could have afford it, but it is fun to be best in class as well. lol just kidding. We all have our different ways of expressing ourselves. I made a goddess figure based on Venus of willendorf, but gave her less ass and boobs, and a face.
I was at the yoga class yesterday. I was a bit tensed and nervous. And of course my throat was very dry and I felt more of the cold yesterday. I had trouble with some of the asanas poses, that was embarressing. The yoga instructor was nice lady from india. The room was filled with mirrors and to see my fat body and ugly face was awful. I will get used to it, after awhile one dont think about it. I have been to aerobic classes 10 years ago, so I know it is common to have mirrors in studios. It is always an shock to see one self there. I focused on the yoga, making the poses as correct as possible. I will practise the asanas every day so I will get better, add them to my regular yoga with the warrior poses and downward dog pose. I know my social phopia makes it harder to be around others. But that are obstacles I deal best with that in being around others.
During the week I felt so depressed, suicidal, panicy, like I couldnt care less about what happened to me. I started to write, and was pushed into writing more and more as my panic attacks grew stronger, I felt more and more depressed. All the time I felt She was caring me, She just was there in my ordeal as a silent companion. When I had faced all the pain, depressive moods all that needed to come up to the surface. I feel so much better, I felt like the real me. Like some of the pain from the past is gone.
The sculpt class was at monday. I should have taken something more advanced if I could have afford it, but it is fun to be best in class as well. lol just kidding. We all have our different ways of expressing ourselves. I made a goddess figure based on Venus of willendorf, but gave her less ass and boobs, and a face.
I was at the yoga class yesterday. I was a bit tensed and nervous. And of course my throat was very dry and I felt more of the cold yesterday. I had trouble with some of the asanas poses, that was embarressing. The yoga instructor was nice lady from india. The room was filled with mirrors and to see my fat body and ugly face was awful. I will get used to it, after awhile one dont think about it. I have been to aerobic classes 10 years ago, so I know it is common to have mirrors in studios. It is always an shock to see one self there. I focused on the yoga, making the poses as correct as possible. I will practise the asanas every day so I will get better, add them to my regular yoga with the warrior poses and downward dog pose. I know my social phopia makes it harder to be around others. But that are obstacles I deal best with that in being around others.
