more thougths after last post
Nov. 6th, 2011 06:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
camillanightshadeSo what are my possibilities ?
I can work, do art and magic, focus on making my life better.
I need to get a better balance with work, spirituality, yoga, art and social life. In a way it all connects cause with working I get money to finance everything. Spirituality is my faith and path with The Goddesses, that involves magic, yoga and art and does involve some social life as well. As faster I get at work the earlier I will come home, it really sucks to be working overtime every day like I have done last week. What is even worser is that i stay there after I am done cause I am so kind, that if the others needs to talk, i talk to them. Who do you think stays after they quit to talk to me if and when I need to talk? You are right no one, so i wont do that at the others at work either. I have already so little freetime and I hate to see it being increased. That is actually something I can change. I have sketchbook next to my computer so I can draw right away when I get home. In one sketchbook I will only have Goddess pictures and avalon training related stuff. Painting and drawing listening to music is a great way to connect to the Goddess, to ease my lonliness, my inner emptyness. I do magic and rituals and use Goddess rosary, prayerbeads. I will use more herbs and spells as well.
A few of those significant things with being borderline is too see the world/things in black and white. Although that can be worked on, one can learn to see that all is not black or white, good or evil, friend or enemy, it comes with time. So I have no problem with that, havent had any problem with it for years, yes I can overreact if I get triggered, panicy but usually I see things differently when I have gotten a chance to work through it, see it in a different way when I have calmed down. I can be a bit stubborn and unwilling to give up some ideas and thoughts, but sooner or later I get to a point where I dont care about it, if it is not really that important that is probably why I am seen as a recovered borderline, if one is an ill borderline one is unable to work, give up fixed ideas,have obessessive ways and are emotional unbalanced. I would be that too if I didnt have my yoga and art, and I like to think that The Goddesses are helping me as well. That they take care of me. The Goddesses helps those who helps themselves and those who cant do that. I love that feeling of being held and taken cared off by The Goddesses. The other significance of being a borderline is the extreme emptiness, an emptiness that is like a huge black hole within that will never ever get filled, never stop aching. I have done everything to stop the pain, fill it with stuff, sweets, coke, energydrinks but it only works for a short while, Soon I am empty again. Yoga, art and magic are easing it in good healthy ways. I have used my imagination fantasies about the goddesses to ease it, cause when i am with them I forget everything else. One day yoga may have filled the void the black hole as well. It will get easier to handle with time.
I can work, do art and magic, focus on making my life better.
I need to get a better balance with work, spirituality, yoga, art and social life. In a way it all connects cause with working I get money to finance everything. Spirituality is my faith and path with The Goddesses, that involves magic, yoga and art and does involve some social life as well. As faster I get at work the earlier I will come home, it really sucks to be working overtime every day like I have done last week. What is even worser is that i stay there after I am done cause I am so kind, that if the others needs to talk, i talk to them. Who do you think stays after they quit to talk to me if and when I need to talk? You are right no one, so i wont do that at the others at work either. I have already so little freetime and I hate to see it being increased. That is actually something I can change. I have sketchbook next to my computer so I can draw right away when I get home. In one sketchbook I will only have Goddess pictures and avalon training related stuff. Painting and drawing listening to music is a great way to connect to the Goddess, to ease my lonliness, my inner emptyness. I do magic and rituals and use Goddess rosary, prayerbeads. I will use more herbs and spells as well.
A few of those significant things with being borderline is too see the world/things in black and white. Although that can be worked on, one can learn to see that all is not black or white, good or evil, friend or enemy, it comes with time. So I have no problem with that, havent had any problem with it for years, yes I can overreact if I get triggered, panicy but usually I see things differently when I have gotten a chance to work through it, see it in a different way when I have calmed down. I can be a bit stubborn and unwilling to give up some ideas and thoughts, but sooner or later I get to a point where I dont care about it, if it is not really that important that is probably why I am seen as a recovered borderline, if one is an ill borderline one is unable to work, give up fixed ideas,have obessessive ways and are emotional unbalanced. I would be that too if I didnt have my yoga and art, and I like to think that The Goddesses are helping me as well. That they take care of me. The Goddesses helps those who helps themselves and those who cant do that. I love that feeling of being held and taken cared off by The Goddesses. The other significance of being a borderline is the extreme emptiness, an emptiness that is like a huge black hole within that will never ever get filled, never stop aching. I have done everything to stop the pain, fill it with stuff, sweets, coke, energydrinks but it only works for a short while, Soon I am empty again. Yoga, art and magic are easing it in good healthy ways. I have used my imagination fantasies about the goddesses to ease it, cause when i am with them I forget everything else. One day yoga may have filled the void the black hole as well. It will get easier to handle with time.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-15 03:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-15 08:24 pm (UTC)