Priestess training?!?

[camillanightshade]

I finally went to the Hills of Brosarp yesterday. It was sunny and pretty warm during the day and chilly in the evening. I walked long distances as I always do there, stopped for some meditation, praying, dancing chanting praising Them serveral times. I heard the Ladies pretty well every now and then. I also expressed my gratitude towards The Male Gods for my freedom, for letting me be, not pressuring me, pushing me around anymore. It felt a bit strange to thank Them for this cause what do I know? Perhaps i have always been this free, the pushing around experience and demands may be from myself partly, I dont care as much as I should to find out the truth I suppose. But frankly i dont have the strength and engery to deal with it either. I did feel that it was alright, I am still much with Lugh which I will continue with that. It feels so good with Him. It seems like I am being pulled towards the avalon priestess training-been encouraged by The Ladies to read a few books about it do the assignments. Much of the assignments for the first year I am already doing. I am also asked to be more active in two avalon groups on facebook it seems like my teacher is to be found there somewhere. It is still a bit dull. I asked why They wanted me to do this traning, and got the answer that at even if I cant be a an official priestess of avalon(cant afford the training in glastonbury, my path is a bit different)  the books in  this training would help me. So I kept looking both on the goddess temple paiges, and in the books and found it- at the last year course, year 3 one is learning to embodiant the Goddess every day for nine months to be able to carry out Her words. For what I see it must be the same as possession but expressed in another way. So I was like- eh of course You want that but what about my free years- only channeling 4 times a year that we agreed on. She said dont be afraid of Me, it is only to help you, give you more confidence become better in channeling, so I get deeper in you without harming you when it is time for the channeling. That third year of the course would start next year or the year after. I have been thinking on and of about this since the last time I channeled Her. She said this to me after She had spoken to Jen and Callie.

So what do i feel? i am not against it, but do feel that for now the chakra healing with kundalini yoga is very harsh especially on the above chakras throat and forehead, as well as on the navel. It really depends sometimes it is easier sometimes worse so bad it causes loads of panicattacks. Anyway it does get easier and better for each time I do this chakra yoga in the long run, about 1 or 2 year from now I must be on the 4 and 5 time  doing this kundalini chakra yoga, so the pain, misery, panic , anxiety, anger I feel often now must be much much easier then. So with not having something in me that cause me so much pain, fears,anxiety it would be easier to live and do anything. I do feel that as a channel I am not so good as I could be with that training perhaps. The Lady is patient with me, I do my best but I for now it wont get much better. In a way I knew it would be coming. So I think I have understood it right. I could intiate myself at the Goddess temple in Glastonbury at the end of the training, that would be cool. I would still have my own life, my freedom, my free will- no one has ever mention anything about taking any of that away from me, but I seem to be scared of that, which makes me ask if any of that has changed. I shouldnt be so afraid,  No wonder I hear Them say that I shouldnt be afraid of Them.

I also asked Them about my art, and understood now, what I never got/didnt wanna understand before. That the experience of that I can do more art, are more inspired after channeling is not to be seen as a reward cause I have done a good job. Just as not being able to do art for months even hearing that I wasnt allowed to do it wasnt a reprimind cause I been bad. That would mean They were in the way for my art, which They arent. I am just more inspired naturally when I have been channeling cause I get a boost of energy, what I would choose to do with that is entierly up to me.

Comments

[jensurvivor]

I feel that "Embody" means a slightly different thing in my life and practice. There's possession work, and then there's the work that The Morrigan and I both agree is important. I would be an activist if I had never heard of Her, it's entirely for my own reasons. And yet, sometimes I feel that Im' representing Her in some way, while still remaining myself. Perhaps this is what they mean?


Certainly channeling full on every day for nine months is something I would not recommend you or anyone do. I think we should also make the distinction in this case between The Morrigan and The Goddess. The Glastonbury temple I think means something quite different when they talk about the Goddess. The Goddess has many names, one of which is Morrigan, but Morrigan isn't also everything that this "Goddess" idea is, Who includes Isis, Artemis, Rhiannon, and every female deity concieved of. Does that make sense?

[camillanightshade]

Now that I think of it, it makes much sense. I suppose it is more about being open to The Goddess as whole.(I thought i was that but probably only at the fullmoon newmoon and sabbats) I sure hope I am not supposed to channel everyday, that i refuse I doubt my body and mind are able to handle it. It is possible that after this training I would be more comfortable and confident in my faith and being possessed by The Morrigan. I am willing and open to do that already but it may be more based on that i am demanded and I have accepted it cause I get so much help and freedom, that i would never refuse to do what we had agreed on. Perhaps I need to be changed, grow a bit more to be a better channel. Perhaps it would give me a sense of belonging to a community.

In the Glastonbury temple they usually mean The Goddess in general whom is all kinds of Goddesss especially the celtic ones who are worshipped at the seeason as the wheel pf the year changes. It seems to be quite common that after the training or during it to be focused on a more personal relationship one or two of these Goddesses.

[jensurvivor]

I would also maybe seek confirmation for this with some divination. One can read anything online and it's not certain whether you saw it because it's something you're supposed to do or you just saw it by chance.

[camillanightshade]

I will do that again, I meditated a bit over it today and asked the Lady about it. It seems like embodien the Goddess is not the same as channeling, so i am not asked to do that more then I do now. It seems to be more of that i would invoke The Lady- one or serveral each day, much listening and meditating, but hey I do that quite often, but prefore to stick with it once/twice a week so there must be missing pieces. I was surprised when I read about the embodient, and thought that was a sign from the Morrigan. Now I dont really know what it means i will ´be doing at the third year of embodien the Goddess. I will keep meditating and do some other reading. I will start the traing from year 1 and see where it leads me. The cards I ´got also talked about changes, adventures, creativity.

[jensurvivor]

*smiles* I think you already do represent Her when you fight for animal rights, and give hope to other survivors just by carrying on with your life.

[camillanightshade]

thanks, I think so too.