thoughts

[camillanightshade]

My head and belly hurts and my nose is stiffed i am fatiqued, but it feels like it is more mental and emotional, I get some physical symptoms so it is not strange if  I am a bit off. It sounds like I am causing it, making it happen, I am not. I had this in the spring as well and tend to get when I have been in chaotic stressful situations for a long and I need a rest, my nerves and emotional self needs recover. I am not feeling worser , just better but need to sort out my emotions a bit, deal with stuff better. I am seeing patterns in my own behaviour as well in how other workmates and bosses I have had. I hate the complete submessiveness i am feeling at work cause my boss seem to be so angry and annoyed all the time. In a way I feel almost scared of him, he makes me nervous and more unsecure. The fact that he reminds of two men who have harmed very much makes it hard although it was much worser in the beginning. I will to stand up to him more. Focus on seeing myself with selfconfidence, he has no right to put me down. Since he has such pleasure of giving me unsatisfying downgrading stuff to do the like cleaning I will just not react bother when he says something like that, will give him that joy. I am just getting annoyed angry and cant stop thinking of him, about what kind of a jerk he is. I try to make it a habit of painting every day after work. I have moments of total clarity otherwise it feels like I am pretty lost like i am on the roads of insanity working my way to sanity, be in more controle of my life.

Comments

[jensurvivor]

part of it could be coming down off of stimulants.

I'm fairly sure he's manipulating the situation to keep you on your toes. Which isn't right. All I can suggest is to be honest about when he does cross a line and acts agressively and the rest of the time try not to let it bother you. It only works when it gets under your skin. I hate this language because it sounds like blaming the victim. I'm glad for your moments of insight.

Package is on the way

[camillanightshade]

Thanks, I will try to be more straight, not accept bullshit talking from him when he downgrades me. I have cried so much over his behaviour towards me, and now the last one not getting salary in time. It is not right. None of it is right.It feels like I am having a nervous breakdown, or may get one. I will try to find another job.

[jensurvivor]

Good. I think that it is right that you should keep looking