Last vacation week
Jun. 16th, 2012 07:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
camillanightshadeIt has been a turbulent week for me. On Sunday last week, monday and tuesday I worked much on my art. I felt it has been neglected alot, cause of work so i really needed three days where I just drew and painted non stop. I have been wearing the new stones around my neck every day. The stones increase creativity and heals the throat 3 eye chakra are also good stones for channeling. So I have often refused to wear them cause I have feared I will be abused, that the gods would take advantage of me. That I be channeling all the time, be abused and misused cause I have no worth I am a slave etc. What really did happen when I wore and wear the stones is that I am more focused, more calm, happier, easier to make my art a bigger priority. Hopefully it will continue that way, when i am working as well. I havent heard more words from the Gods then usual. It has just been clearer. So my fear of being abused, used as a channel constantly was just fears. The new stones are aqua aura, akvamarine, chariote. Chariote with howlite heals creative blocks.
On the tuesaday evening i did kundalini yoga. Then Cerunnus came along with The Morrigan. I got so panicy so anxious. I wasnt able to move, think, it was hard to even breath. I managed to have some conversation with Cernunnus, I didnt hear The Morrigan, On the wednesday I was still a mess so anxious panicy I wasnt able to function at all. The worst was that I felt so betrayed and let down by the Morrigan. How could She do this to me, let Him come... Hadnt He harmed me enough...I tried to call on Thor for comfort, help, then on Brigid and Then on Michael. Nothing worked, They probably couldnt get through. In the evening The Morrigan came, She said everything would be alright touched my hair like nothing had happened. Which made me yell at Her, about how betrayed I was by Her, how could She do this to me... She made me calmed down enough so we could talk. The fear I have of Cernunnus and what He would do to me... was/is harming me. So She allows Him to come at the seasons/sabbats with Her, He isnt allowed to harm me, affect me negative in any way. He did tell me that the other day. I still didnt feel good about She doing this to me, So I questioned Her right to do this meaning causing me such severe panicattacks that leaves unfunctionable for a whole day isnt fair. She said since I was Hers she could do what She wanted with me, but also pointed out that She helps me get the herbs, stones, essences i need as medication, helping me get stronger in my daily life, doing stuff I like. Which made me appologize for calling Her bad things.
On the thursday I felt better then for a very long time, planned my outdoors trips, when it would be good to skip work/ quit earlier like my boss would agree to that. What herbs I need for making my tinctures. Where I should get my stuff. I also cleaned my whole apartment. On friday I went to Hills of Brosarp, I got a lot of meadowsweet, some carnations, cinquifoil, I saw where other herbs will be coming soon. So i will be coming back in a few weeks. After that I just sat in in the sun and enjoyed the warmth, Lugh came and talked to me, It was very nice. Since I have been so good and obediant He actually thought I would get a statue of Him. I felt like saying that is the reason why I prefore to be disobediant but didnt wanna rule the nice moment. He probably knew it already anyway. I spoke openly about my feelings and thoughts, and we would continue our relationship as usual. I am discovering how I can get more oten to Brosarp, it is so quiet there, no people, just me and the nature awesome. I also did many drawings of wild cats. I woke up 6 am today, so my body wont get a total shock monday morning when i will start working again. I wish I could have vacation until september. Tomorrow I will put my art on artgalleries. There is no more place on flickr for me to upload this month. I will send the links to the galleries when my art is up.
On the tuesaday evening i did kundalini yoga. Then Cerunnus came along with The Morrigan. I got so panicy so anxious. I wasnt able to move, think, it was hard to even breath. I managed to have some conversation with Cernunnus, I didnt hear The Morrigan, On the wednesday I was still a mess so anxious panicy I wasnt able to function at all. The worst was that I felt so betrayed and let down by the Morrigan. How could She do this to me, let Him come... Hadnt He harmed me enough...I tried to call on Thor for comfort, help, then on Brigid and Then on Michael. Nothing worked, They probably couldnt get through. In the evening The Morrigan came, She said everything would be alright touched my hair like nothing had happened. Which made me yell at Her, about how betrayed I was by Her, how could She do this to me... She made me calmed down enough so we could talk. The fear I have of Cernunnus and what He would do to me... was/is harming me. So She allows Him to come at the seasons/sabbats with Her, He isnt allowed to harm me, affect me negative in any way. He did tell me that the other day. I still didnt feel good about She doing this to me, So I questioned Her right to do this meaning causing me such severe panicattacks that leaves unfunctionable for a whole day isnt fair. She said since I was Hers she could do what She wanted with me, but also pointed out that She helps me get the herbs, stones, essences i need as medication, helping me get stronger in my daily life, doing stuff I like. Which made me appologize for calling Her bad things.
On the thursday I felt better then for a very long time, planned my outdoors trips, when it would be good to skip work/ quit earlier like my boss would agree to that. What herbs I need for making my tinctures. Where I should get my stuff. I also cleaned my whole apartment. On friday I went to Hills of Brosarp, I got a lot of meadowsweet, some carnations, cinquifoil, I saw where other herbs will be coming soon. So i will be coming back in a few weeks. After that I just sat in in the sun and enjoyed the warmth, Lugh came and talked to me, It was very nice. Since I have been so good and obediant He actually thought I would get a statue of Him. I felt like saying that is the reason why I prefore to be disobediant but didnt wanna rule the nice moment. He probably knew it already anyway. I spoke openly about my feelings and thoughts, and we would continue our relationship as usual. I am discovering how I can get more oten to Brosarp, it is so quiet there, no people, just me and the nature awesome. I also did many drawings of wild cats. I woke up 6 am today, so my body wont get a total shock monday morning when i will start working again. I wish I could have vacation until september. Tomorrow I will put my art on artgalleries. There is no more place on flickr for me to upload this month. I will send the links to the galleries when my art is up.
