Magic I like, magic I wanna do...

[camillanightshade]

 

I have been curious on doing magic in more judeochristian terms, just for see what it is, try it. but, The Lady dislike it I think, so I wont do it, I need Her power and strength to survive and handle life. I am not really that in too it, it isnt that much of big deal for me. It is more since it caused me awful panicattacks as christo pagan, and it doesnt do it now, havent done it for serveral years. I wanna rediscover it, in the same way I wanna do magic with Odin. I am curious, and wanna try all kinds of magic with serveral gods from serveral religions, with no other purpose then becoming stronger, healthier or just wanna have fun. I am grateful to those Gods that let me come, do it, and are with me under those conditions. Yes Odin is one of Them, Jesus/Yahwe would too but I doubt it is allowed by Her. It isnt worth pissing Her off just cause I wanna play have fun for awhile. I will be with Lugh and my other Gods instead. When I have been very sad, felt betrayed and hurt by Her I have turned to Jesus for comfort.a few times. It was great, He was way more nice to me now that I wasnt his, and couldnt harm me. I know it was awful of me, it doesnt matter what i felt or suffered. I have appologized to Her and the other of my gods for doing it. It is possible She and the others got annoyed over this, hard to tell. I mean i suppose they are, but it isnt impossible that they are more patient and understanding of me then I realize. It is all cleared up now.
 
An interesting question is I am wanting it more cause it is forbidden. It is after getting the channeling I got from Cernunnus last year I have been looking for comfort from Jesus. I have seen and heard Cernunnus a couple of times after last summer which I shouldnt have. Now I wonder if I am not imagine that I see him cause then it would be ok, to cross the probitions. She promised that he would never ever come near me, if he is coming anyways, I can turn to others like Jesus and not only to Her, as I see it. I should give up this kind of stuff and be with The Gods I have already, they are so patient with me. I think it may make it harder for me to hear my Gods, probably cause I feel more shame and panic. Then on the other hand I have a strong  desire of that I wanna be free to do what I wanna do. It is not like I am switching religion, it is more the magic it self I am interested in. For what its worth I have promised to not look for comfort from Jesus. It was mostly to spite Her, i just felt so lost, lonely and depressed, it is no exuse. I feel the same lost, dark hopelessness when I face my those Gods I follow Odin and Hecate too. Do extreme like I wouldnt dare to feel otherwise. Like I unconsciously call forth panic, anxiety when I face some God who may not be pleased with me. Cause they would yell/be harsh on me if I am already sick and tortemnted. This must be what Hecate meant- I was meditating and heard some words from Her, I talked much about my misery, suffering. I got thoughts like would be able to come and talk to me without your panic, anxiety as shield. I was stunned, cause I realized I was too frighten to do anything then to obey Her like when I was Her, and felt that with my panic, anxiety, She wouldnt be too harsh, to cruel to me. There is much truth in it, but i dont controle it with my will, it is done automatically. When I have felt really good, everything is going well, soon I always worry that someone is gonna be offended, annoyed by it, it can even be hard to be with most Gods, if I dont do much stuff for Them. All this stops me from procceding doing what I really want, should do.

Now I will focus more on my upcoming trip, which will be awesome. I did a darkmoon ritual with THe Morrigan before it was morning in the middle of the night. It was awesome.

Comments

[jensurvivor]

I have been doing some experimentation with Christian ideas myself. There is however a whole branch of magic that doesn't use gods; the Chaos ceremonial type pioneered by such as Austin Osman Spare which works with spirits but avoids allegiances with gods.

[camillanightshade]

Cool, I know there is much magic that does not involve gods. Chaos magic, invoking spirit seem be a dangerous thing- My sanity is very fragile, the last thing that I need is some spirit that wanna play with me. It could make me more sick or destroy my life. I tried some of it as wiccan but got badly screwed. So no I wont do that. I will stick to the Goddesses instead, somehow it always turns out that it is Them I wanna be with do stuff with. I understand that not all spirits have bad intentions, I am just not that interesting find out which is which. I need to work more with the brighter gods like Brigid and Rhiannon. I try to remember that. My intentions with this blogpost was only that I sometimes feel interested of magic with other Gods. Sometimes just to get high, or have fun. Pretty silly and which could be dangerous, if I am with the wrong entity who may have bad intentions and The Morrigan wont be protecting me.

[jensurvivor]

Still I wonder if there is a personal system you can have that uses symbolism but not gods?

[jensurvivor]

I also don't get along well with chaotic forces. But this school of magick seemed misnamed, as it's more about going it on your own than using chaos.

[camillanightshade]

That sounds good. I am using chrystals, herbs, tarot magic without calling upon any Gods.There are plenty of spells that doesnt involve gods at all. I do call upon some of Them sometimes to get an extra boost, to make the magic stronger. I am learning to do it with Rhiannon and Brigid. It is good for me to work with brighter Gods too and as well as with Lugh, friendly Male Sun God. I used to do alot magic with Jophiel and Artemis earlier. That was awesome. I loved doing magíc with angels as christopagan. But that was along time ago. It was probably a bit too cute and sweet.

[jensurvivor]

>There are plenty of spells that doesnt involve gods at all
That's probably good

>I loved doing magíc with angels as christopagan. But that was along time ago. It was probably a bit too cute and sweet.

I'm sure it was right for you at that time.