Emain Macha and Avalon

On Friday I went Emain Macha, it was a long way out on the countryside. It was a very beautiful place. I enjoyed the serenity and peacefulness there. It was great and very much needed after the exiting and a bit tensed stressed tours on the other days in Ireland. So I did some art and yoga there. I tried to channel The Lady, but it didnt work. I had heard Her on tuesday on the bus back to Dublin that week so perhaps it wasnt needed that day. I sat there for a few hours. It was sad that the shop at the Navan centre had nothing with the Goddess name on it, it would had been cool with a t-shirt with the text Emain Macha or Goddess Macha, Goddess Morrigan or something like that. I even told the kind sales lady that, she said it was a good idea, many others had been asking for that. Then I got back to Dublin.

I went to Glastonbury Avalon the day after on the saturday. I flew to London, then took the train to Bristol  that was very expensive just as in Ireland, the prices where more then i expected it to be. But it isnt much to do then pay and smile. lol. I was at Avalon around 4 pm checked in at the hostel. Since it was bankholiday on the monday and jubilee day tuesday´s i was very anxious that my favorit beloved witchstores would be closed all days I was in Glastonbury, i was almost in tears at the thought of it. When I arrived to Glastonbury everything was open , and would be open all days. I was so happy and felt blessed. I didnt buy much the first day, cause i like too look around in all stores first. This year I shared room with a nice girl from London. In the evening we went too listen to a lokal band in a bar.

On sunday I walk up to the Tor, it was hard on my legs but I kept walking took some small breaks when it was needed, it took a long while then I was finally there. Then I went to the shops and boughts some stone beads- aquamarine, aqua aura chrystal, chariot that are good for my mental health and throat chakra. After that I meditated at the Goddess temple. It was great to be there again. After that The Lady Morrigan wanted to buy i nice book to write in. It was my kind of book with the pentagrams and celtic stuff on it. She spent the rest of evening to write in it. I was conscious too but let Her take over to do the writing. I had promised to channel this week, but it hadnt happen, but this was a way She seem to enjoy as well. It was written in a poetic form. When I read it now, I know it wasnt me who written it. It brings up all kinds of stuff. The other girls in the room was going out, I was unwilling to spend money especially when it was so much to buy. And I was there to be with The Goddesses. I know They expected me to be walking to Tor each day as well. So it wasnt so bad. In one the stores there was a guy totally dedicated to Mary Magdalene. He saw Her as a wife of Jesus, he had some interesting theory about that she came to avalon with her daughters to live there after Jesus death. We spoke an hour, it was really nice. I told him about the Goddess, and he showed me nice stuff. I saw mary Magdalene like that too, and it was nice to see someone else do that, I didnt wanna read the books though. It made me think of my past relationship with Mary Magdalene, it was so nice. I was christopagan those days. Okay all wasnt great I was depressed and anxious those days too. But yes sometimes I have yearned for to just talk to Her. I mean I love my Goddesses they are my life, but sometimes I wanna talk to someone brighter and not so harsh and demanding. And it is rare that I hear Brigid. Sorry dont mean to complain so much but it is hard for me to be surrendering to The Goddesses. I dont like surrendering I dont like to give away my power, give up my life so they will rule me. As christopagan I completly refused to even think about doing it.

On the monday I went to the Tor, the steps was a bit lighter this day. After that is time for healing at the Goddess hall. I was asked to release all darkness, pain illness, all that troubling me. I was cleansed and healed by two priestesses. It felt very intense.

After that I was very tired, perhaps high. So I went to the Chalice well, drew a bit. Enjoy the beautiful garden. I bought some flower essences that cant be found in Sweden. I saw archangel Michael there, he came and sat beside me. I havent seen him since september last year. We joked a bit, in a way i dont do with others, and he says stuff that makes me smile but would made me shiver of fear if it came from a God or Goddess. I saw Lugh as well, and felt like oopps oh shit, I have spent all my money and not bought the statue of you I promised. My fear of having to face that, he reaction to this made me unble to hear or see him. The day I after Imeditated much both on Tor and in the temple and I felt that I had no obligation to buy Him a statue, cause He hadnt made me better in my art. Then I thought I probably got all wrong as usual. Cause it isnt about what l get or dont get. I should be willing to get whatever they want even if it means cutting down on what I need for myself. It isnt about that I dont wanna get the statue. If I had the money I would have bought it. I even talked to The Morrigan and Morgana about it and according to them it wasnt neccessary. Stones for my health was more important. I hadnt bougth the gorgeous wallhanging of a raven with a pentagram or a another statue of Them either. They said they didnt want that. I bought some special herbs, incense and candles and mugs with pentagram, faeries. I wanted to buy a bag and pillow, top with faries and unicorns on, hadnt enough money. But I can get that another time.

I need to talk to Lugh more about our continuing relationship. I can understand he may be disapointed at me. But I feel He should understand me as well. I had expectations too. But it is generally okay that i get disapointed. It would be nice if I could see Mary more, but I wont, it is so wrong of me to even think like that. I just never thought the price of belong to the Goddess, be their witch priestess was surrendering, i had no idea they wanted that.