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Dec. 19th, 2010 07:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
camillanightshadeI had a great time friday. I met my old friend Marietta, from the art college. We had a cup of tea. Talked a lot, walked around in the snowy wheather for hours. We went to an artstore, bought some art supplies. Then we went to a store there everything is ecological and vege´tarian, it is expensive there, but the store have become a bit cheaper, in the beginning the opening, the store was very expensive. Not many stuff at all on the shelves. I havent been there for years. Since one can buy organic and vegetarian food in regular stores as well, but much cheaper. I have ordered serveral books that came as well. For once it was books that was exactly in my taste. I got the Fairy artist figure drawing bible and how to draw and paint Fairyland by Linda Ravenscrovt. The assignments are great with step to step pictures, loads of ideas, very inspiring. Linda Ravenscrovt is my favorite artist. I hope to be just as good as her one day. I am not going to copy her or any other artist but it is nothing wrong with getting tips and advices inspiration from other artists. I think most artists do that. I have gotten more friends on facebook, I am not so active there since I have msn and yahoo chatforums. But I will be. It is so nice to have found those friends I used to have in art college on facebook. I hope they wanna get to together, so we could do something fun. I know it may not happen, but since I have no expectation I will take it as it comes, just be myself, and we will see what happen. Just cut down on the negative crap, depressive loops that I tend to fall in every now and then.
Yesterday I had my sister and mum over. We had a little solstivce party we ate loads of candy and cookies I made. I have eaten far too much these past weeks. Due to both stress in my life and anger, other issues. It gets easier and easier to be with Brigid and Rhiannon. I am very happy for that. Cause I need their lighter energies balance out The Morrigan and Morganas darker energies. I have noticed that I am stuck in serveral obsessive negative thoughts about The Morrigan and Morgana, something they have said that has grown into huge porportions which aid in my depression cause I seem to use it to not get better, not do what I wanna do in life, not explore stuff that I find interesting. It is really redicules, but when I am with morgana and Morrigan it is like that unless They would say directly- go and paint, check out druidry... I understand that it is all in me, I doubt it is much from either of Them. I have read somewhere that depressive people unconsciously doesnt wanna get any better, cause for them life, joy is lost... so what is the use. That certainly ring true with me when I am very low. I know it is awful. It is so against everything. But it does make sense that The Morrigan and Morgana would make me face that. Face the depression, the pain as well as They have made me face my anger and fears earlier. But since the depression never got really cured, and it is inward turned anger it is really hard, with that comes my rage, paranoya and distrust as well. I forget that The Morrigan and Morgana shows me what I need to deal with, handle in better way. Their point is not that I should live in eternal darkness, misery pain. Their point is that i should get over it, so I can be healed and free. I need others to help me live, have fun, joy that is why I have Brigid and Rhiannon and Ceridwen in my life as well. So I can deal with the other stuff. I know I used to see it as The Morrigan wouldnt let me do that- be with others but it was most likely me who where to shy to do call on Brigid, Rhiannon and Ceridwen.
Yesterday I had my sister and mum over. We had a little solstivce party we ate loads of candy and cookies I made. I have eaten far too much these past weeks. Due to both stress in my life and anger, other issues. It gets easier and easier to be with Brigid and Rhiannon. I am very happy for that. Cause I need their lighter energies balance out The Morrigan and Morganas darker energies. I have noticed that I am stuck in serveral obsessive negative thoughts about The Morrigan and Morgana, something they have said that has grown into huge porportions which aid in my depression cause I seem to use it to not get better, not do what I wanna do in life, not explore stuff that I find interesting. It is really redicules, but when I am with morgana and Morrigan it is like that unless They would say directly- go and paint, check out druidry... I understand that it is all in me, I doubt it is much from either of Them. I have read somewhere that depressive people unconsciously doesnt wanna get any better, cause for them life, joy is lost... so what is the use. That certainly ring true with me when I am very low. I know it is awful. It is so against everything. But it does make sense that The Morrigan and Morgana would make me face that. Face the depression, the pain as well as They have made me face my anger and fears earlier. But since the depression never got really cured, and it is inward turned anger it is really hard, with that comes my rage, paranoya and distrust as well. I forget that The Morrigan and Morgana shows me what I need to deal with, handle in better way. Their point is not that I should live in eternal darkness, misery pain. Their point is that i should get over it, so I can be healed and free. I need others to help me live, have fun, joy that is why I have Brigid and Rhiannon and Ceridwen in my life as well. So I can deal with the other stuff. I know I used to see it as The Morrigan wouldnt let me do that- be with others but it was most likely me who where to shy to do call on Brigid, Rhiannon and Ceridwen.
