(no subject)

[camillanightshade]

I have been demanded to not do any art for 2-3 months atleast by Morgana perhaps by  the Morrigan as well. Which is ruthless, there is in noway i am going to do that. It is more then enough that I have barely drew or painted for 3 weeks, And nothing the last week. It can be a test, a challenge for me to stand up for myself, fight for my art, do it without their "approval". I dont care about what I may win/accomplish or not if I stay away from my art. Cause there is nothing that is worth it, and I feel that They have no rights to ask me that. It is so cruel, for me it feels like I am asked to give up breathing. Cause I live for my art. I feel so angry, so sad and panicy, but I will do my art as much as possible whenever I feel like it. I will call on Arianrhod, Rhiannon and Ceridwen to turn to, seek comfort and support at.  I wonder why I get suprised by Their demands. If I have to choose between Them and my art, it will be my art that is wining. Why cant I have a normal relationship with Gods, Gods that are kind and understanding, who doesnt push me around and have cruel demands on me.

I will not back down
I will paint
I will draw

It is my life
I choose what
I wanna do

I dont understand
what She has against my art
I dont understand why I should
stay away from a art for serveral months
Actually I dont give a damn about her reasons

It is far too cruel.
I see no reason to stay
But dont worry
I know my vows so I will stick to it
down for life.

But my art is mine.
I will not give it up
even for another week.
I am fighting to not let the fears
take controle over me.

Comments

[jensurvivor]

Remember what I reminded you of the other day?

[emberleo]

How odd.

Where did this demand come from?

--Ember--

[camillanightshade]

Yeah it sure is. It is hard to accept. It feels just like when I understood that I would never get iunto an art univeristy and that the gods couldnt care less. I was so broken hearted my life was torned apart. It is what I have always feared to hear. So it can be a challenge, or perhaps they way I do my art now. I am stuck and blocked it has been hard to draw and paint the last months. So it can be something about that. That I should do something new, or do it in another way.

I heard it serveral times during trance after I had called upon Her. I have dubble checked it with tarotcards. I just stoped listenening to Them after that, cause I feel hurt and angry. It is more than I can take. I have prayed to Ceridwen and Rhiannon for guidance, comfort and protection.

[camillanightshade]

I heard it after finishing the trauma stories about my life, which I had been asked to do. Perhaps that can be some feelings, fears from that that is affecting me and everything I hear and see as well. Something I need to deal with.

[emberleo]

Have you asked why yet?

--Ember--

[camillanightshade]

yes, but I have only gotten the answer it will help me and that I should trust them. Which is not satisfying or good enough for me. I feel more afraid and thinking about escape at times. I am very angry at The Ladies. I find it hard to move on, continue being with them, if they feel like that about my art.

[emberleo]

This is so contrary to everything else I understand about the situation, but totally congruent with your fears.

I'm not sure what's going on here, honestly, but it doesn't sound right to me.

Telling you not to put all your hopes into a career in art I could understand. Telling you to stop having art as a creative outlet for your passion makes no sense at all to me.

--Ember--

[camillanightshade]

Thanks, I feel the same.