Resting

Lots of thoughts are flowing through my mind, I have written about 15- 20 paiges in my morning paiges, so much needes to be expressed. So much energies, anger, frustration, anxiety panic and fears have been released. Yes my problems are still there, but I have found my will to live again, my strength and will to fight my way out of anything. I have also been painting. So wonderful to be able to do that. I love these new colours all of these colors. New paint brushes. I feels great to have gotten paid. I feel a bit bad to be sick cause of the good salary but it is nothing I planned and my body and mind need rest from working. My throat is very sore and i am coughing much, I am very tired so it is not that I am cheating. I am just doing my best to take care of myself, speeding up my recovery with painting and writing.I am also thinking about how can it easier to endure the stress at work.I will have to make time to write atleast every second day, try to paint a little every day. I hope to feel much better emotionally soon- going back to work on monday. I hope my boss wont give me hard time for calling in sick for a few days.He cant harm me, the union and unemployments office wouldnt let him since i have contract until next year february. I have bought a few new books, and are puting away money for christmas gifts, birthdaygifts, and clothes for myself in spring. I have covered that until next year in the summer. Next salary I will be saving for my trip. I like to travel to Ireland, Canada one day and travel to glastonbury again.. About my spiritual life it is alright I think, i know I need to deal with some stuff, easily overreact, get very passive and depressed. Doing more art, just paint without thinking planing is the way for me now. I have some books I feel should read.